


The color of your eyes

by JustA_Nath



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: F/M, M/M, Sad, Sad Ending, Suicide, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:16:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25330735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustA_Nath/pseuds/JustA_Nath
Summary: Akaashi Keiji just recently found a girlfriend and yes he loves her more than anything else. The two of them spent a lot of time together, but what Akaashi didn't consider is that he is completely neglecting Bokuto.He only spends time with the third year is at practice and for Bokuto that's definitely not enough.Sadly all those things aren't everything, because Bokuto began to suffer from a disease, causing him to cry star-shaped tears.-WARNING-This story contains suicide so only read it if you don't have a problem with it.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Kudos: 26





	The color of your eyes

The white-haired third year was sitting behind Akaashi and his new girlfriend. Both of them seem so gleeful, causing him to smile as well. He is glad to watch his friend like this, though more than anything else in the world he wanted to be the one by Akaashi’s side. A thing that would never happen, but for Koutarou it wasn’t a problem.   
As long as he was able to see his beloved one so joyful there is nothing he would want to do to change that.   
For him, it wasn't an issue when those weird star-shaped tears started to fall among his normal ones.   
To be honest he cried more in the last weeks than in his whole life. But what could he do? Every time he gazed at the beautiful male he just wanted to be alone and cry.   
Bokuto just wanted to drown in his self-pity, while staring down at those gorgeous stars falling to the ground.   
Still, he somehow managed to put on his bright smile when walking over to the two lover birds, entertaining them like a clown.   
Rarely he was able to witness a small smile appear on the other's lips.   
That was all he was able to do at the moment, but it allowed him to feel a bit better. 

"Sorry Bokuto-san, but we’re going now. See you at practice.” Keiji excused himself and once again, caused the third year's heart to sting.   
By now, Bokuto was already a good actor and was able to keep his act up, though he felt tears forming in his eyes.   
Quickly he started to blink to prevent the tears from falling down. It’s not like they would notice anyway. 

His steps were fast he almost was jogging when he made his way to the bathroom, then locked himself in one of the stalls.   
As soon as he turned the lock and heard the familiar click he broke down.   
Tiny stars falling to the ground with this soft sound he can't even describe. It was calming though, and he was admiring to those stars, which somehow reminded him of Keiji.  
Even after seeing those beautiful tears, shining so bright in his eyes, the second year would always be the most beautiful and breathtaking star to him.

He can't remember how long he sat there before he walked out of the stall and walking up to the mirrors. Cause of all the crying the parts around his eyes were red. The third-year couldn't go out like this or everybody would immediately know what just happened, so he just began splashing his face with cold water, hoping to at least make it a bit better. 

After a while, it actually worked, and he stepped out of the restroom with his bright grin on the lips. With a quick glimpse at his watch, he realized that he was late for practice, so he took a deep breath, again with the goal to calm down. 

Only the thought about Keiji being there again, that he would call his name and stare at him with those admirable eyes hurt, but felt good at the same time.   
He couldn't explain anything going on inside him, everything he said and everything he thought made less and less sense. 

"Bokuto-san? We have to hurry practice is about to start", he heard the familiar voice of his Kohai behind him and couldn't prevent to flinch. He had been so deep in his thoughts that the other speaking to him caught him completely off guard.   
Bokuto didn't answer he just started walking, listening to the student's conversations, and his own footsteps.   
Normally he would've started a conversation with his friend immediately, but right now he just wasn't in the mood for it. It didn't mean that he wasn't enjoying the others company, because he really did. 

Every time Keiji was near him Koutarou felt awesome, it was like some kind of drug. He wanted to jump up and down, he wanted to give in to those butterflies in his stomach and just kiss him. The fact that he couldn't stuck in his head as well. 

Both of them reached the gym way too fast in his opinion and as soon as they did the two of them separated to get changed for practice. When he glared at his jersey something felt off, there was an aspect missing and it took him a while to figure out what it was. 

He rose an eyebrow and spun facing Akaashi, with his jersey in his hands.   
"Tell me 'Kaashi. Did they remake our jerseys the yellow is missing", the male asked with a disturbed tone in his voice. For him, the shirt he held in his hand was only black and white. 

"I don't know what you are talking about Bokuto-san. The jerseys look like they always did", he just heard the second year say and shocking Koutarou. His body started to tremble and every passing second it got harder for him to breathe. There certainly was something wrong with him, but he couldn't imagine any reason that the yellow was just abruptly gone. 

His gaze drifted towards the mirror in the locker and his heart felt like it was dropping to the ground. He clenched onto the jersey in his hands not knowing what to do. His usually golden eyes just suddenly had this dull grey color. 

Currently, there was simply one topic in his head.

What happened to all the yellow in my life?

Practice felt so boring today especially with this question stuck in his head all the time. It was tough for him to focus on spiking and it occurred more than onetime that Akaashi gave him an irritated gaze or a strange one.

Right now he was slowly dragging himself along the street towards his home. He was hoping that he would discover an explanation for the abrupt loss of the yellow around him. Probably it was just something temporary and tomorrow everything would be back to the ordinary and that he was just overdramatizing this situation.

"I'm home", he greeted after he opened the door, just to encounter complete silence because always he was the first one home. His steps were sluggish when he walked up the wooden stairs towards his room, just to immediately drop himself on the mattress with his phone in his hand.

His fingers almost flew over the keys when he began to search the internet for the answers to all the concerns in his head. Bokuto didn't really worry about the stuff he typed, he just typed. At some times he would stop to read the articles he came across, but none of them described his problem. Most of they just covered colorblindness in general, but not the sudden loss of colors. 

The third-year was barely able to keep his head up while scanning another one of those damn websites. This time it just was a little unusual. It was saying something about the star-shaped tears he was crying. It was supposed to be a fictional disease, but then how was it possible for him to suffer from it? 

'The star tear disease.  
Its a fictional disease and the trigger for it is unrequited love. There is no cure for it and the victim suffers from it until the love is returned. There is a variety of consequences and they are different depending on the person.

Several people's field of vision becomes more and more blurry until they might go completely blind.

Others are just damaged for a short period of time until their eyes recover, which is one of the more harmless outcomes.

The third one is the slow loss of the colors, each time the victim cries those star-shaped tears in a large amount they will lose one color, but for some even if they don't cry they lose the ability to see colors step by step. '

The white-haired got goosebumps and an uncomfortable shiver ran down his spine. He couldn't believe his eyes, on the one hand, the internet always made things worse, but on the other hand, he wasn't capable of seeing any yellow at the moment, and oh god he stared at so many yellow things. It just became a dull greyish color.

A silent 'Kaashi was heard from his phone, which basically was his own voice he used as a notification tone so he was able to separate ordinary messages from Akaashi's.

From: Akaashi 💕  
To: Bokuto

Hey. You seemed kinda spaced out today. I hope everything is alright.

A smile appeared on Bokuto's lips when he read this message. The fact that his friend wasn't neglecting him in moments like this made him feel outstanding again and it didn't take a long time for him to fall asleep grinning like an idiot. 

The next weeks were really stressful because the third-year lost the capability to see most of the colors. The only one he could still see was the wonderful blueish color of Akaashi's eyes and the color of the sky. It made him comfortable to at least be able to stare at those and he just tried to be optimistic imagining that he won't lose them.   
He enjoyed dreaming about Akaashi and him loving only each other causing those damn tears he once thought were so beautiful to disappear.

Much to his disapproval, those were nothing more than dreams, imaginations just some stupid stuff which will never be real. The male ran a hand through his white hair and gazed down to the ground. His eyes already had this too familiar shine and just a few seconds later a star fell to the ground, breaking into a million pieces after touching it slightly. 

Why was is life so complicated?  
Why was he the one who had to suffer this much?  
Why couldn't Akaashi just love him?

Once again he began to drown himself in his self-pity crying for so many reasons.  
One of those obviously being Akaashi, another one was the loss of almost all the color in his life.  
The only thing keeping the male together was this one lovely color of Akaashi's eyes. This blueish shade he could get lost in for hours but on the other hand, only the idea of losing it tore him apart. It got harder for him to breathe and his hand began to shake and he just sobbed more tears falling to the floor breaking into a million segments with this once so comforting noise, which now is nothing more than a nightmare.

Bokuto wanted to stay in his room forever so that he won't even realize that he lost the last color around him, but this sadly wasn't possible.   
First of all, he had school, second one day his mom would probably suspect something and third, he wouldn't be able to observe Akaashi ever again. 

So he stood up and started to get ready for school. When he passed the mirror he threw a quick gaze at it. He had big circles under his eyes and his whole figure just had those different shades of grey. The male appeared so dead in his own vision and perhaps he was at least it sometimes felt like it from the inside.

On his way to the train station, he was afraid to peek up into the sky, but it was completely stupid. After all, his tie was blue and now it as well only had this lame grey shade. Still, there was hope, maybe Akaashi's eyes weren't just blue and they count as a separate color...yeah that's probably it.

Bokuto pushed himself through all the other students and people waiting for the train. Their voices were noisy in his head and if he could he would shut them all up.  
The loud sound of the train arriving was even worse and echoed through his head. Suddenly the whole world around him felt so dull and numb.  
So it was right what they all said:  
Color is the cause for things to seem alive.

When he finally got on the train his steps were sluggish and he needed way longer than usual to make his way to their regular seats. 

Deep down he was hoping that Akaashi wasn't there already, that he was sick to keep up his own illusion he created.  
But it's been a while since things actually went the direction Bokuto wanted them to.  
So as soon as he reached their regular seats he got greeted with two dull grey orbs, which used to have such a wonderful color making his heart beat faster, and now they were just grey.

At that exact moment, he thought he was able to hear his whole reality shatter into pieces. But still, the male put on a bright grin waving at his best friend and greeting him cheerfully: "Morning Akaashi."

The second-year flinched and turned his head towards Koutarou and returned the smile.  
"Good morning Bokuto-san."  
There was a long awkward silence when the train started to move.  
Both of them not knowing what to talk, until Akaashi announced something: "I am sorry, but I won't be able to attend practice today. I am going shopping with my girlfriend."

Those words felt like a stab directly into Bokuto's already destroyed heart. It was the third time in a row he excused himself from practice and the white-haired couldn't hold back the feelings of being the cause for that. 

"Oh alright then", he just answered with a smile still on his lips. He didn't want the other one to notice how miserable he felt, because of that. Luckily Konoha and Haruki soon got on the train as well, breaking the awkward silence between Bokuto and Akaashi.

The whole ride wasn't that bad after all, they laughed a lot and had fun, at least Bokuto seemed like it. In reality, he was overthinking the past weeks and his whole relationship with his best friend. 

In the first periods of the day he was barely able to concentrate, writing stupid things down in his notebook and not even focusing a bit on the lesson. Today really wasn't his day and even the teacher noticed it.  
In the middle of the lesson, Bokuto put his hand up asking if he may use the restroom, and as soon as the teacher nodded he jumped up almost running out of the room.  
No one noticing the folded paper in his hand with Akaashi written on it.

It was already lunchtime and Akaashi was sitting at a table with his girlfriend. They were speaking about so many stupid and silly things, but he enjoyed it. But there still was this concern in the back of his mind. Usually, Bokuto would come and sit with them eating his lunch with that big bright grin of his, while listening to the two lovebirds and now he wasn't here. And it didn't change. The whole lunchtime the two of them were alone no sight of the cheerful third-year, who would always make his day.

"Akaashi Keiji. Please come to the principal's office right now", he heard the metallic voice from the speakers, catching him completely off guard.  
Did he do something wrong?   
No there was nothing he could think of right now, but he always did something wrong so the possibility was still there.

He excused himself and reached the principal's office soon after. His heartbeat was fast and his hands were shaking when he lay them down on the doorknob and slowly pushed the wooden door open.  
"You asked for me sir", he spoke politely and bowed down, before staring at the serious expression on the other's face.

"Yeah, I did. This might come a little sudden, but we found this letter. It's addressed to you", he explained, and the black-haired couldn't hold back the feeling that this situation was off. It was like the principal held back important information.

"May I ask where you discovered it?", he then asked with a slightly trembling voice.  
A sigh just escaped the other male and his expression changed to something different..sadness.  
"It was placed under the shoes of you senior Bokuto Koutarou on the rooftop", he explained and Akaashi's face turned pale immediately. He knew exactly what that meant...Bokuto killed himself.

He glanced down at the little folded paper with his name on it, which was laying on the principal's desk. Akaashi felt the tears coming up but tried to hold them back as good as possible.  
" T-Thank you, sir. I will excuse myself now."  
His voice was barely audible and with the letter in his hand, he stormed out of the room.

His best friend just killed himself and Akaashi was blaming everything on himself. If he wasn't so busy with this girlfriend of his, he would've noticed. If he would've been just a little more attentive, he would've been able to maybe stop him.  
It was all his fault.

He ran until he reached the now so lifeless seeming staircase and dropped himself on one of the stairs.  
With shaking hands he unfolded the letter, just to see Bokuto's messy handwriting, causing him to smile slightly.

'Dear Akaashi,

I know you probably are surprised now and maybe even a little sad, but please don't blame yourself. It's not your fault.

I mean I just could've been a little stronger, then I wouldn't be dead now. Maybe I would've been able to confess my feelings to you and maybe I would've somehow solved this star tears thing.

But when I couldn't see your beautiful eye color anymore my whole reality broke down.

Right now I am running out of space to write so I just got one more thing to say.

I love you Akaashi!'

"I love you too Bokuto-san", he quietly whispered and a lonely star-shaped tear fell onto the paper in his hand.


End file.
